Embracing the Future

This week I talked to several clients about their goals for the future. All have built successful, substantial businesses that have served them well. But now they are aiming to do the next big thing, applying their experience to focus on something they care about deeply.

In each case, right after telling me they wanted to create something new, these clients latched onto immediate obstacles. One thought inexperience using social media meant she had to put things on hold. Another thought not knowing how to resolve technical glitches is stalling his progress. But each has overcome far more daunting logistical hurdles in the past. Interestingly, as we dug deeper, the prevailing feeling spawned by these thoughts was sadness.

What became clear, is that neither was aware that sadness was driving their plans for next steps. When we realized that, it all made sense.

One was sad about leaving the certainty of her current business and camaraderie with her business partners and employees. Another was sad about breaking ties with an organization he has created, and that has been a big part of his identity for years.

Each has a goal to start a new business. But each is choosing thoughts that focus on near term impediments. Those thoughts then lead to sadness, which is causing these clients’ minds to churn about all of the reasons they can’t do more than limp along, thus validating their focus on the obstacles.

Change — even positive change — feels risky

Of course, we all face roadblocks, but these clients have overcome far more daunting challenges in the past. It’s hard to make change — even when we are excited about the ultimate destination. It’s challenging to let go of what is known and certain and comfortable, and it’s inevitable that, instead of embracing the possibility of change, we’ll occupy our minds with thoughts that confirm why we can’t move ahead.

The result for each client, as you’d expect, was that neither was making progress.

Embrace change — even when it feels risky

What emotion would we want to feel to break through to the next phase? Probably not sadness. Excitement or anticipation? Motivation or empowerment? And what are the thoughts we can choose so we can take back our power to generate those feelings?

Perhaps, in the case of the first client stymied by social media: “I can contract out social media for my new business.” Or for the second client wrestling with code release delays: “I will meet with the developers and put the project back on track.” The feeling generated by those thoughts was entirely different from sadness. Excitement, curiosity and even anger, it turned out, stemmed from new ways of framing immediate next steps towards reaching big new goals.

It’s okay to mourn the soon-to-be-past

There’s nothing wrong with coming up with reasons why it’s hard to move ahead. In fact, one could argue, that’s a healthy sign that we’re actually ready to move on and that we can do so feeling proud of what we’ve built. But in order to embrace the future, it’s important to recognize how our minds work when faced with an uncertain future.

In the case of my clients, they were hanging onto reasons why progress was stalled, leading them to feel sadness. That sadness fueled churn, inaction and their shutting down.

Choose your thoughts, choose your future

Don’t beat yourself up for ‘hanging onto the dock.’ But do recognize the thoughts that keep you there. That can free you to choose new ones that can propel you to dive high and energetically into the future you want to create.