What does your network tell you about YOU?
Networking is important to building a strong career path. Yes, you can learn to network, and yes it takes skill.
But I’m not going to cover that here. Instead, I’m going to talk about what your network tells you about you.
Is your network Transactional — that is, do you have thousands of LinkedIn connections and business cards? Do you go to the ‘right’ events and work the room? Or is your network built upon relationships that sometimes feel like professional connections and often like friendships? The answer can tell you a lot about whether you’re pursuing a career that touches who you are and who you want to become, or what you are and what you want to do.
There’s nothing wrong with either. Just observe your network and how closely tied you are to the people in it. Many of us want to find our tribe. Chances are, if we’re doing something we love, we’re more likely to have a network made up of genuine, satisfying relationships. By contrast, if we’re doing a job to pay the bills, we’re more likely to have a network from which we feel removed — just as we feel removed from our jobs.
Our networks are valuable bellwethers. I know of because I’ve experienced both ways.
Early in my career in technology, I wanted to build my network — and I was transactional about it. I went to all kinds of networking events, and talked to amazing people. I gathered business cards and multiplied my LinkedIn connections. I had great follow-up conversations with people over coffee and on the phone. And it was all intellectually interesting. But little of it actually led to a change in the kind of work I was doing or how I saw my career unfolding. It was interesting, but exhausting. I felt productive, but not inspired.
It wasn’t until I started focusing on what I really cared about that suddenly the line between my professional network and circle of friends blurred. The work I did became more energizing. And the kinds of projects I was doing evolved a lot more naturally in directions I had never planned. I got to be part of investor groups, independently backing female founders. I got to write the chapter on private investing for a book on how women can align their capital with their values. I got to be a visiting speaker at women’s groups and a panelist and moderator at conferences. And along the way, I made a lot of friends. This was a whole new way of building my network.
It’s no accident that in the first case, the motivation came from outside — wanting to do something I thought I should do, and that in the long run I thought would help me — whereas in the second, creating a network and those relationships came with little effort. I knew what I cared about and somehow that connected me with people who cared about the same things. Many are colleagues and more are friends. We’re able to create much more based on those authentic friendships than I ever could with my old pragmatic, mostly male corporate network.
If we look at the mindset driving each of these scenarios, in the first, I was doing a job that gave me security and certainty. I loved my work and my colleagues, but I rarely socialized with colleagues other than at annual office outings. The environment was mostly white male and corporate. I approached building my network based on what I thought I was supposed to do, which meant trying to meet as many interesting people as possible. The result was that I had many more connections. But in reality I was creating a high volume of activity, none of which blossomed into friendships and few of which led to work projects.
By contrast, when I started doing what I love, the process of meeting new people who also cared about what I did became remarkably effortless. My thoughts revolved around meeting people with whom to share ideas. I was driven by curiosity. The irony is that, suddenly, not only did I have more connections, but the ones I had were also more fun and substantial. Those have led to projects I would never have been able to imagine before collaborating with the wonderful community of ‘investor ladies’ — other women committed to mobilizing capital in accordance with our values and in ways that can change who gets funded and who does not.
I believe I was drawn to others who shared my passions, and they were drawn to me.
The first scenario describes a transactional approach to building my network. The second was guided by internal motivations. That externally-focused activity can give you great results. But it can also sap your energy.
The great news is that the best kind of networking starts with you. If you’re able to show up as the person who knows what she wants, knows what she likes, and is passionate about what she is doing, you’ll meet not just a large number of people, but people with whom you can feel connected. Far more satisfying than getting a stack of business cards, what you bring to the process as a person determines what you create for yourself.
If you’re working too hard to connect with colleagues at work and in your industry, that could be a signal to examine how much you care about what you’re doing with your valuable time. If you feel drained by what it takes to build a good network — one that propels you in new directions, helps you to think creatively about your next steps, and serves as a community of colleagues as well as friends — you might want to ask yourself what is driving you. Is it an external goal to rack up as many connections as possible? Or is it an internal goal to share what you truly care about?